• Approving forbidden acts in the house:
This factor is closely related to the first key cause of family break-up (neglecting Divine commandments regarding marital life). That is because observance of the Ordinances of Allah The Almighty removes all evil from the house and vice versa. Dear Muslim brothers and sisters, we should know that sins and acts of disobedience are inauspicious. One of the righteous predecessors said, “When I disobey Allah The Almighty, I see the consequences in the behavior of my wife and mount.”
It should be clear that each of us will be held accountable before Allah The Exalted for sins and acts of disobedience if we do not repent. Sins and acts of disobedience are the causes of all disasters and evil. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
• {Corruption has appeared throughout the land and sea by [reason of] what the hands of people have earned} [Quran 30:41]
• {And whatever strikes you of disaster -- it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much} [Quran 42:30]
The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Allah is Jealous, and His Jealousy shows when His sacred ordinances are violated.”
Allah The Exalted destroys many families because their members defied Him by committing sins day and night. How many homes have been destroyed too early because of angering The Almighty during wedding parties. Tolerating any evil act is forbidden in Islam, as the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “He who among you sees something evil should change it by his hand; and if he cannot do so, then he should change it by his tongue; and if he cannot do so, (even) then he should (abhor it) by his heart, and that is the least degree of faith.” [Muslim]
Undoubtedly, both parents have the authority to change evil with their hands inside their house, and it is impermissible for them to keep silent because whoever accepts evil is as sinful as the one who commits it. Allah The Almighty Says about the people of Saalih, may Allah exalt his mention, (what means): {But they denied him and hamstrung her.} [Quran 91:14] In this verse, Allah The Almighty Says that they all hamstrung the she-camel, while it was only one of them who did it, because the rest of them approved of what he did.
We should also know that there are praiseworthy forms of anger, such as anger at violating the sacred Ordinances of Allah The Almighty. ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said that once she bought a cushion on which there were images. When the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saw it, he stood at the door and did not enter. She saw on his face that he was upset, and said,
“‘O Messenger of Allah, I repent to Allah and His Messenger. What is my sin?’ The Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘What is this cushion?’ She said, ‘I bought it for you so that you could sit on it and recline on it.’ The Messenger of Allah , sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘On the Day of Judgment, the makers of these images will be punished and it will be said to them, “Give life to that which you have created”.’ And he said: ‘The angels do not enter a house in which there are images.’” [Al-Bukhaari]
Today, the enemies of Islam have succeeded in filling our houses with evil because of our ignorance. Hence, we see the corrupt mass media entering all Muslim houses and trying ceaselessly to poison our children’s minds, instill malicious thoughts in them, arouse their desires and waste their energies and wealth.
The evil also includes non-adherence to the Sharee‘ah-approved Hijaab (Islamic apparel) for women and imitating the eastern and western fashions. Thus, girls who wear the Sharee‘ah-approved Hijaab have become like strangers among Muslims, because parents show leniency towards the sinful attitudes of their daughters. For example, once I heard a father saying about his daughter who wears something that angers Allah The Exalted, “What can I do for her?”
This is very strange, because if this daughter had been ill, her father would have never said what he did! Alas, it seems that we are keener on treating our children’s physical sickness than treating their religious sickness, which is far more dangerous.
Approving acts of disobedience in the house is a key factor that causes families to break-up, because one reaps what he sows.
• Excessive violence and cruelty with children or excessive pampering:
‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, reported that the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Leniency is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and it is not taken from anything but it makes it defective.” In principle, one should treat others leniently and kindly, except regarding issues that require firmness, which would be, in such a case, praiseworthy.
Adopting cruelty unjustifiably makes people hate you, regardless of your closeness to them. Allah The Almighty Says to His Messenger, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, (what means): {So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you.} [Quran 3:159]
Cruelty comprises severe beating, and sarcastic and severely critical words. Such words affect the children’s morale and make them feel that they will never be successful in their life. This is very dangerous, because it makes children fall prey to the devils of the humans and the Jinn. Certainly, this would grieve the parents, while they may unknowingly be the cause behind these disasters.
Mu‘aawiyah, may Allah be pleased with him, sent to Al-Ahnaf ibn Qays, may Allah have mercy upon him, asking him about how should one treat his children. Al-Ahnaf, may Allah have mercy upon him, answered,
“Our children are the fruit of our hearts, a support for our backs; we are like the sky providing a protective shade for them; we are like a soft and harmless ground on which they recline. It is they who give us the incentive to perform great deeds. Hence, if they demand anything from you, fulfill their demand with a generous heart. If they are stricken with sorrow, alleviate their grief. Consequently, they will love you and appreciate your paternal concern. Do not be an intolerable burden on them to the extent that they should in annoyance wish that you were better dead than alive and hate to come near you.”
On the other hand, excessive pampering and leniency spoil children and make them impudent enough to make unreasonable demands from their parents. Parents who pamper their child excessively consider that whatever he says is true and whatever he does is correct. Such parents respond to the demands of their pampered child, who will ultimately live only to be served and give orders.
• Building the marital relationship on doubts and suspicions:
If doubts infiltrate into marital life, they would destroy it and demolish its foundations of love and compassion.
Therefore, the instructions of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came to form a strong fortress in the face of this furious tempest. He forbade spying on people or thinking ill of them without a reason. Abu Umaamah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “When a ruler seeks to make imputations against people, he corrupts them.”
The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also forbade a traveler from surprising his family by night. In this regard, he said: "When one of you stays away (from his family) for a long period of time, let him not surprise his family by night." He also forbade surprising one's family at night "… as if he mistrusts them or searches for their faults."
This also applies to children; they should not feel that their parents suspect them, because this will make them escape from their bitter reality, as they would regard it. The two parents should give their children the impression that they trust them. However, this is not an easy job, because it requires doing one’s best to provide his children with a righteous upbringing first.
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